


Vicchan Didn't Die

by OrionMoka



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angry Yuri Plisetsky, Hurt Katsuki Yuuri, M/M, News Media, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Post-Rape, Rape Recovery, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 04:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrionMoka/pseuds/OrionMoka
Summary: Vicchan didn’t die before the GPF, but Yuuri still failed for a reason no one ever expected. A reason that sent ripples through the figure skating community. The news brought some people together, and tore others apart.Warning: Mentions of rape/assault, no detailDisclaimer: I own nothing





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N:  This fic features rape recovery. There will be no descriptions of the actual event. If this bothers you please stop reading now.**

 

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        Yuri Plisetsky was a rising star, Russia’s Ice Angel against _Ice Prince Nikiforov_ . He was going to take Gold. What he would never admit out loud was that Japan's top figure skater had been his inspiration for _years_. Yuri Katsuki was the invisible underdog that no one saw because they were too busy looking at Victor. Except Yuri, because Yuri didn't care about the old man.

        So when Yuuri Katsuki bombed both his short program and free skate at the Grand Prix, Yuri was fucking pissed. Katsuki could do better than that and he was going to say that straight to his face. He was confident his anger would hide any jitters about talking to him for the first time, about finding out if Yuuri even knew he existed. He rooted for Yuuri, and in a way that meant he rooted for himself, so Yuuri’s failure reflected poorly on his own inspiration.

        But now he was standing here, outside of the stall where Katsuki was clearly crying and sniffling like a blubbery mess. He couldn't believe the one he looked up to could be so emotional, he was always stunning on the ice in Japanese competitions. Not today though. His foot moved without thinking about it, kicking the door, heart racing as it slammed open to reveal his inspiration, and that's where it all went wrong.

        Because Yuri Plisetsky was entirely unprepared. He hadn't expected to see Yuuri stripped down to his boxer briefs. He hadn't expected to see the angry purpling bruises covering the other skater where his costume would have been.

        Most certainly though, he would never be prepared for the blood.

        There was so much. It was dripping on the ground, soaking into balled up toilet paper, seeping from somewhere he couldn't see. There was a red stained bandage at the base of Katsuki’s neck that had been hidden by the collar of his costume but Yuri knew _,_ he _knew_ the collar had rubbed against that wound. Yuuri had been in this condition before he skated. Yuuri had _skated_ like this.

        He took one look at the paralyzing fear in Yuuri Katsuki's eyes, and lost all thoughts of what he'd been planning to say about the failure. He turned around, stormed to the bathroom door and locked it.

        It took another few moments for him to steady his breathing, before going back to the stall, staring at the Japanese skater.

        “You skated like this,” he stated. It wasn’t even a question at this point. He didn’t wait for a response, surging forward to pull Yuuri off of the toilet seat, cataloguing injuries, looking for the source of the bleeding. He didn’t miss the flinch or sharp inhale when his hands first touched the other, or the constant tremble running through his entire body.

        It confirmed the horrors beginning to brew in the back of his mind.

        “You shouldn’t have skated,” he mumbled harshly, leading Yuuri out to the counters, but not before grabbing the costume from where it hung on a hook in the stall. It was so dark, no one would have noticed blood seeping through. He could see the wet spots now though, could smell the coppery scent. It was amazing none of it had dropped onto the ice.

        He almost threw it in the trash, but it was evidence. They needed evidence.

        When he finally turned to see Yuuri again, though, he was unconscious and about to hit the floor.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        Victor could count the number of times little Yura had called his phone. The blond avoided it at all costs unless he was royally pissed at him, or it was extremely important, so he didn’t even think about ignoring it. He knew it was Yuri, too, because he had a ringtone set specifically for the little kitten. The Alley Cat song from Disney’s Aristocats. Chris gave him a confused look when he yanked his phone out of his pocket and answered in the middle of their conversation.

        He didn’t even get a greeting out.

_“There’s so much blood everywhere, Victor, what do I do?! He’s bleeding all over the goddamn floor and it isn’t stopping, he’s unconscious and almost hit his head when he fell. I caught him in time but-”_

        “Yuri?! Who’s bleeding?” he asked in alarm, barely hearing himself over Yuri’s panic.

 _“He fucking_ **_skated_ ** _like this, I can’t even- oh shit! NO- NEED AN AMBULANCE-”_

        “YURI?! What’s going on? Where are you? Who needs an ambulance?!” he could see Chris jerking upright at that but he ignored any questions sent his way. Yuri was a little ball of fire sometimes but he was like a younger brother to him- “Yuri, what’s happening? Talk to me! I’m finding Yakov!”

        “ _NOT YAKOV, GET CELESTINO. I HAVE TO GO.”_ The line cut out. Yuri hung up on him. Victor turned wide eyed to Chris, then took off running. He had no idea what was happening, he had to find Yuri. Yakov first. Then- Celestino? Wha-

 ** _Skated_** _like this,_ Yuri’s words drifted back to him.

        “Chris, who was Celestino’s skater?” he panted as they ran, knowing the Swiss was still at his side.

        “Mmm, the other Yuuri you mean? I’m shocked you don’t remember him. Japan’s Ace, Katsuki Yuuri.”

        “Something’s happened, he said there’s blood, I don’t-” Victor cut off as he saw his coach, “YAKOV! Give me your phone!” he took it without waiting for a response. They were lucky Yuri was so uncontrollable, he knew Yakov had a tracker app that could locate the blond’s phone. “He said there’s blood! We need Celestino! Yakov, find Celestino!” he took off down another hallway, pulling the app up and locking onto Yuri’s phone location. Already there were sirens, and he gave up on the app when he saw the rink medic team rushing off in another direction, Chris following behind.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        Plisetsky had been adamant about staying by Yuuri’s side through the doctor visits, the rape kit, sitting by his side in the ICU. He’d be moved once he woke up, but he hadn’t yet. A week had passed, and Yuuri Katsuki hadn’t woken up.

        Celestino, as Yuuri’s coach, was legally granted information on Yuuri’s condition. After the look Plisetsky had given him, it hadn’t even crossed his mind to keep the information from the blond. Russia’s Yuri had found him, had discovered what happened, why Yuuri’s skating was so horrible, and Celestino knew, if it weren’t for Plisetsky, Katsuki would have withdrawn entirely without a word. His lack of confidence meant he would have hidden it, given excuses, never told anyone, probably quit skating.

        Plisetsky had not only saved them all from that loss, he had probably saved Yuuri’s life.

        According to the doctors, Yuuri was the victim of both a brutal assault, and violent rape. His skin was littered with purpling bruises, some larger than others, but clear finger shaped marks around his hips, his thighs, his wrists, his throat. There were angry red circles around his ankles and he had three cracked ribs that, judging by the swelling, had occured before he skated and were aggravated by the falls he took on the ice afterwards. The slice on his neck, while not too deep, was raw, clean cut edges barely scabbing over, and they surmised he’d been held at knife point. All of this not even accounting for the damage below.

        Celestino couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed something was this wrong. He’d only noticed Yuuri was more nervous than usual, seen how badly he performed. He couldn’t believe Yuuri was strong enough to hide this that well at all.

        The skating community was just as shocked when it hit the news after that first week. They weren’t sure who leaked it. He could only be glad he called Yuuri’s family to inform them of what happened before the leak.

        Videos of his horrendous skating had gone viral even before the news, people wondering what what was wrong, what had happened, or making unkind remarks on his skating ability. Now, it was even more widespread but articles updated to include the explanation. Fans were slowing videos down to point out what was injuries were probably hurting him that prevented each movement, and skaters were both awed and terrified that he’d continued to skate without a word. There was certainly some negative feedback on Celestino himself, for not noticing beforehand, but the majority were just stunned by how well Yuuri had hidden it. He knew this attention, once Yuuri woke up, would terrify him.

        All of the Grand Prix Final skaters had expressed concern and condolences, asking to visit to see with their own eyes, but he hadn’t let them through. Yuuri wasn’t awake to see them. Even Nikiforov, he’d turned away at the door when he came with Plisetsky because _no one_ was allowed in. Celestino himself and Russian Yuri were the only exceptions. Yuuri’s family was setting up for getting him home, and Mari was on her way to stay with him until he was stable enough to travel back to Hasetsu. Phichit wanted to be here, but Celestino banned him from getting on a flight. He didn’t want the younger skater to see this. _Yuuri_ wouldn’t want the Thai to see this. At least not until he was awake enough to know someone was there.

        All the while, Celestino watched as Yuuri slept, and Yuri dozed off at his side. The hospital had kept him sedated for the first few days to let his body rest and recover. Then they stopped the IV sedative, and Yuuri still hadn’t woken up. He’d moved a bit, brows creasing, trembles running through his body, hands occasionally clenching, and the doctors said he’d wake up in his own time. For now, they attributed his status to shock, to his subconscious allowing more time to heal physically before dealing with the mental and emotional trauma that was sure to come.

        Occasionally, when the trembles increased, Plisetsky looked away while slipping a hand into his, holding it, and the trembles would slow down. Celestino was glad someone was at Yuuri’s side, even if it wasn’t him.

        He was Yuuri’s coach, and he understood the Japanese skater well, but they’d never been close. He worried now, that he’d never get the chance to be. Plisetsky wasn’t close either, but he was helping. That was the important thing.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        Yuri was beyond angry. At everything, at anyone. At the man who did this, who police had identified by the rape kit. At the police for not catching the bastard yet. The doctors for not healing him faster. Celestino for not noticing before he skated, before he made his injuries worse. Victor for bothering him for information when he had nothing to do with this situation.

        All of the other GPF skaters pestering him for updates when they had never even acknowledged Yuuri before now, before they realised how strong he was. They only saw him as competition _now_ because after hearing the news, they’d gone back to watch videos from Japanese Nationals and other competitions. Only now they recognised how hard it would be to beat him in full health, _now,_ when he might never skate that way again.

        He was pissed at whoever had leaked not only the information that Yuuri skated with injuries no one knew about, but that he was raped, and what the injuries were. He hated the so called fans that claimed they were right that something was wrong with Yuuri, that something had happened to make him skate that way, because it had been _obvious_ something was wrong and being right about that didn’t mean anything. It’s not like anyone guessed what had happened _._  

        At Yakov for insisting they go back to training for the next competitions already, trying to drag him back to their home rink. Victor, for once, had taken his side and demanded they stay.

        He hated himself for many of the same reasons. For not noticing before Yuuri skated, for never having the nerve to approach Yuuri except after he failed. For not following him earlier, for kicking the stall door when he had no idea why Yuuri was crying. How he must have scared the Japanese skater with the abrupt and forceful entry. Most of all, though, he felt the most hatred for _himself_ because he hated _Yuuri_ for not telling anyone, for continuing on when things clearly weren’t okay. He knew Japanese culture was typically reserved, but to _this_ degree?

        So he did the only thing he could, and let his anger out on everyone that came to visit. For everyone who stood outside in the hall and argued with Celestino to let them see Yuuri. He could shout at them as much as he wanted, about the excuse they cared because if they cared, where were they before? They only cared now, after they found out. They didn’t care, they _pitied,_ and Yuuri wouldn’t need pity. Pity couldn’t help him recover. Pity would not wake Yuuri Katsuki up.

        When Yuuri’s sister finally arrived, he heard her talking outside to Celestino about himself, that Celestino thinks Yuuri wasn’t going to tell anyone and that Yuri Plisetsky is the one who found him, who found out and caught him before he could hit the floor.

        He was in a chair next to the bed, collapsed on top of Yuuri’s legs and holding one of his hands. When she came in, she said nothing to him. Stood behind him in silence for minutes before letting out a sigh, and Yuri could hear the pain in it. He didn’t have to turn around to know her eyes were watering.

        He didn’t complain, then, when Mari pulled up the other chair and sat next to him, draping an arm around his shoulders and combing through her brother’s hair with the other hand.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        Mari let's Victor in only once, after talking to him outside the room for a long, long time. Yuri still glares at him when he enters, and Victor appears both hurt and understanding the second he sees Yuuri’s unconscious form. Yuri’s earbuds are in and blasting music before the old man can say a word to him.

        He watches Victor's eyes water, watches him hesitantly reach a hand out to touch Yuuri's cheek and he wants to _scream_ at the elder Russian not to touch Yuuri but he won't, not here. In this room he stays quiet. He's not sure he's ever said anything in here, only out in the hallway. This room stays silent unless Yuuri is the one making noise.

        He's eternally grateful when Mari's hand shoots out to latch like a vice around Victor's wrist just before he reaches pale cheeks, and Victor startles, pulling his hand back. He's saying something, to himself, to Yuuri, to Mari maybe. Yuri isn't sure, not with the music for Yuuri Katsuki’s free program playing in his ears.

        He watches with blank faced surprise as Victor moves his hands to his own face, fingers swiping slowly under his before traveling down to his neck. His neck, which still carries the stupid gold medal which Yuri wants to kick him in the head for wearing in here.

        He calms down almost immediately, because Victor is lifting that medal over his head and placing it ever so gently around the thin neck of Yuuri Katsuki. He doesn't say anything more, just watches the lithe form breathe before he spins and all but runs from the room.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        Victor didn’t said anything about it. His last social media post was of a coffee cup in his hand right before competition. There are no photos from the banquet because he didn't go. Yakov be damned, he had _refused_ to go. So did Chris and every other finalist because the potential sponsors were not worth celebrating ranks based on such an event. Medals received because one of their own was beaten and bloodied and skated despite that because of his love for the ice.

        Victor was eating himself up inside, after finally seeing Katsuki. After Little Yura glared at him so harshly. Because he has heard Yuri shouting, _screaming_ at the other skaters who want to visit because they didn't even know Yuuri Katsuki before now. They recognised his last name from the assignments, but they never watched him skate, never interacted with him, never noticed him because they didn't think he was competition. No, because they didn't even realise he existed. He had no idea Yura had such an attachment to the Japanese skater when Victor hadn’t recognised the name.

        Chris knew, of course. Granted, Chris knows everyone. Except Chris knew Yuuri Katsuki personally from competing against him in Juniors. Had followed Katsuki’s rise to seniors religiously in anticipation of facing him again with more enthusiasm than he competed against _Victor_ with. He'd spoken about a Japanese skater before and Victor tuned it out as irrelevant because he wasn't there to compete against.

        But Victor hadn't looked him up, didn't even remember the name of the skater Chris practically idolised. Hadn't known what he looked like. Had thought he was a _fan_ and offered to _take a photo with him_ in the lobby after finals. The finals where Katsuki placed last because of- he didn’t want to follow that thought, because it could have been _any of them._ It could have happened to any of the finalists and not one of them would have skated afterwards. Instead, he had watched the _fan_ turn and run away with tears dripping in the air behind him and shrugged it off. He realises now that Yura had elbowed him, _hard,_ and taken off after Katsuki, and he had walked off to talk to Chris, forgetting all about it.

        When they reached the hospital that first night, he watched as Yuri and Celestino were lead through the doors and he wasn't allowed to follow. He had felt Chris beside him silent in worry and anguish.

        He spent that week watching every video he could find of Yuuri Katsuki skating, and he was _beautiful._ His step sequences were flawless and on good days so were his jumps. His rinkmate, roommate, and best friend Phichit posted full length recordings of his training and practice, and even when he fell, when he stumbled through learning a complex sequence, he was stunning and wasn't afraid to post his mistakes. Victor had never done that, never allowed himself to show he was human too. It wasn't just his fans that put him on a pedestal, it was himself, too.

        It was the day after Mari Katsuki arrived that Victor came to a decision. More of a realisation. Based on his observations, on the _pull_ he felt watching those videos, on what the maximum technical and performance scores would have been, if Yuuri Katsuki had skated his final program with no mistakes, he would have taken gold. Victor wouldn't be wearing this medal right now, by as many as _4 points._

        Yuuri Katsuki was competition. _Amazing_ competition and his skating gave life to new inspiration because Victor wanted to compete against the skater in these videos. Against the man who made music with his body and _thrived_ on the ice. And he might never get the chance to, after this.

        What got to him the most though, was that before now Victor hadn't even known his name.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        Two days after he saw Katsuki lying on that bed, two photos came slamming through mainstream media. One of him entering the hospital where Yuuri Katsuki was, and one of him leaving it.

        Circled in red on both images was his upper torso. One entering with a golden medal, the other with empty space on his chest.

        When the photos came out, Victor declined every interview request. Refused to comment. Believed his actions spoke for themselves, but then little Yura had called him, screamed at him for about thirty seconds, and then hung up and didn't answer any of his calls or messages back.

        When it finally clicked what Yuri had said, he could have hit himself for not thinking about it. He went online, and sure enough Yuri was right.

        By not giving a statement, by not explaining himself, the media had changed the purpose of what he'd done. Articles ranged from titles like **The Extent of Nikiforov Sympathy** to others like **Victor Nikiforov, Losing Gold to Attention Grabbing Rape Victim** and it made him sick. Absolutely sick to his stomach because the world believed it was an act of _pity_ that he gave his medal to the man in 6th place. Most of the articles didn't even mention Katsuki by his _name_. They called him Dead Last, they called him the Rape Victim, they called him the Japanese Skater, but almost never his name. Victor lost sight of it in his anger, and suddenly his phone is in pieces across the room, smashed against the far wall.

        He did not offer the medal out of pity or sympathy. He gave that medal to Yuuri Katsuki out of _respect_ , and because looking at his skills and his performance, Yuuri Katsuki _deserved_ it. His program was more intricate and challenging than Victor's, and the potential was there. The more he thought on it the more he was certain. If that program had been skated to its fullest extent, he would have won.

        Demanding a phone from the nearest person and taking it without even looking at their face, he did the first thing that came to mind. He'd always been impulsive.

        He called Chris and began making the arrangements.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

**Nikiforov’s Latest Video Goes Viral**

Article by Morooka, Hisashi

 

Once again, Victor Nikiforov, 5 times Grand Prix Gold Medalist, Olympic Champion, surprises the skating community if not the entire world, and he does it, as usual, on the ice.

The video opens with Victor on the ice. He is wearing a silver medal around his neck, Christophe Giacometti speaking to him from behind the camera. The much anticipated reasoning behind _these two photos:_

_(Nikiforov enters hospital where Katsuki Yuuri is)_

_(Nikiforov seen leaving without gold medal_ )

_The camera turns on._

_“To everyone who- no wait, are we live?”_

_Giacometti chuckles in the background._

_“There is something I need- have to say. I've been avoiding it because I thought my actions spoke for themselves, and I did not want this to be about me. This should_ **_not_ ** _be about me. This is about an amazing skater by the name of Yuuri Katsuki who_ **_would_ ** _have won gold at the GPF. Before my fans get upset, please stop and listen to what I have to say.”_

_Nikiforov pauses while Giacometti tells him the chat has stopped moving._

_“Good. Now let me say it. I did not give my gold medal away. I never earned it. I have four others that I earned but this years did not belong around my neck. I did_ **_not_ ** _give it to Yuuri Katsuki out of pity. I did not give it to him out of sympathy, or as a publicity stunt. I don't need more publicity.”_

_Nikiforov gives an award winning smile and wink combo at the camera, then frowns._

_“I put that medal around his neck because I respect him as a skater, and because he_ **_deserved_ ** _it. Wait, let me go back first.”_

_Giacometti gestures vaguely in front of the camera._

_“Oh, right, we're live streaming. Okay._

_I always thought I had good sportsmanship, before now. I smile for the cameras, for my fans. I shake the hands of the other medalists. I sign things.”_

_Nikiforov takes a deep breath and slowly spins to look out over the rink._

_“I didn't even know his name, before that night. Yuri found him, called me, said there was blood everywhere, and yelled at me to find Celestino Cialdini. I had to ask Chris who Celestino’s skater was because- because I didn't know._

_I know now, I know who he is. I've watched and rewatched every video I could find. I watched his own versions of my programs. I looked at his short programs, and then I watched at his free skates. I didn't see him skate ate the finals, but I watched those too, and I can say with_ **_certainty_ ** _that Yuuri Katsuki would have won gold if those programs had been skated perfectly. I don't doubt he could do it either._

 _Katsuki is a_ **_phenomenal_ ** _skater. His step sequences are complex and difficult, his jumps when landed are fantastic, and he lands them a good eighty percent of the time_ **_even in practices_ ** _. I can tell you now,_ **_I_ ** _don't have that high a success rate. I don't post every practice video because I land less than fifty percent. Yakov can confirm that._

_Here with me are the judges from the Grand Prix Final. This will not affect the official standings, but they have agreed to score Katsuki's program one more time, as it really is. So let me show you how amazing Yuuri Katsuki is, let me become Japan's Ace for just one skate.”_

_The video cuts, starting again with Giacometti introducing this years GPF judges once more, panning to the rink. The American sportswear company_ **_Nike_ ** _has supplied aerial and rinkside cameras for today's skate. Victor stands in a spotlight on the ice, wearing no medal this time._

_“This is a Grand Prix Finalist, skating Yuuri Katsuki’s Free Program.”_

_Victor later tells us the lack of his name is in response the media's disinclination to use Katsuki's name in recent articles._

_The program begins._

_The results come in._

_Yuuri Katsuki would have won the Grand Prix by 3.76 points._

 

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

        The media blows up with the video. People across the world, not just in the skating community, watch it and learn what happened. They don't have to understand the sport to be almost _afraid_ of the strength Yuuri Katsuki possesses to have skated at _all_.

        The backlash, the arguments, the people who still disagree with the scores are a very small group. The few who state the scores were only so high because Victor skated it are so thoroughly berated by the rest of the online communities they’re pushed immediately into the shadows.

        Victor refuses more interview requests.

        Yuri hasn’t left the hospital.

        Katsuki hasn’t woken up.


	2. Chapter 2

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

When Yuuri wakes up he refuses to go anywhere, do anything, see anyone except family, Phichit, and Yuri Plisetsky. When he finds out Victor is in Hasetsu he refuses to see him too. Until Phichit shows him the video and then he wants to talk to Victor, alone. He wants everyone out of the house except Victor, Yurio, and Phichit because as much as he doesn't want anyone to hear this, Phichit has always been there for him. 

Until that day Yuuri had not said anything about what happened. If someone tried to bring it up his earbuds were in before they could blink. Now, he's starting to tremble and Yurio takes a hand nonchalantly. 

Phichit pulls a new hamster out of his pocket and puts it on Yuuri’s head. He has to stay calm for the hamster if not himself which helps because Phichit knows him well. “His name is Katsudon,” Phichit tells him while gesturing at the hamster.

Celestino had left him alone. That's where he started. Ciao Ciao had wandered off to talk to the other coaches and sponsors. The Men's short program was in a couple of hours and Coach Celestino left him alone. Yuuri didn't blame him but Phichit was roiling in anger. They would be having  _ words  _ next time he saw their coach. Yuuri had wandered off. Wasn't paying attention and bumped into someone's chest.

He doesn't go into detail, doesn't tell them how it happened. He only tells them what was said  _ while it happened _ , because Victor is  _ here _ . Because Victor Nikiforov was the reason it happened but Yuuri doesn't blame him. Won't blame him.

But after what he hears, Phichit does. Phichit blames Victor Nikiforov.

_ “You little Jap, think you're something special don't ya. Think you're better than the others. Look at you, bent over on your knees, face against the floor crying. You'll  _ **_never_ ** _ be better than the others. You're the worst. You can never beat Victor. Never even stand on the podium with him. Not worth anything.” _

_ “Bet Nikiforov agrees with me. I bet he hates you, Jappy upstart getting too close to his records. He wants you outta the way, I'm doing this  _ **_for_ ** _ Victor. He'll probably thank me.” _

_ “So- Damn- Worthless…. Never- Compare-....”  _

Yuuri stutters a lot, leaves a lot of blanks mid sentence. The pacing of his words in some places were clearly rushed breaths in time with-- Phichit doesn't want to think about it.

Victor is crying by the time Yuuri stops talking. Yurio is vibrating with rage. Yuuri tells them they're not allowed to repeat a word of what he's said. If that's okay. Because what little confidence he had in himself has been shredded, shattered, and he isn't sure he's allowed to tell them what to do. Isn't sure of  _ anything _ . And Phichit-

Phichit is beyond mad. Phichit is ready to hide a body. He has contacts back in Thailand that can make it happen. He wonders if either of the Russians in the room have similar ideas. Because this, how Yuuri was hurt. He wants to kill the man.

Phichit pushes a grief stricken Victor out of the room. Yurio will not budge, hasn't budged since they brought Yuuri home so Phichit doesn't try. Instead, the blond nods at him and puts his earbuds in, cranking the music up loud enough they can hear it too. He silently thanks the kid and lifts Katsudon from Yuuri’s head into supporting hands. He's got his work cut out for him.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

  
While his injuries have healed completely, Yuuri is not the same. Can't be the same. It takes weeks before he'll leave the house, months before he'll go anywhere without Phichit or Yurio. The media vultures came in the beginning, but Hasetsu is a small place. When no one gives them places to stay, no one sells them anything except water, they leave quickly. It damages the tourism reputation but Hasetsu doesn't care. They are the most fiercely supportive community anyone could ask for. They want to see Yuuri be himself again. No one pressures him to do anything though, because he's always been the kind of person who works through things on his own.

When Yuuri is finally going out on his own, to walk the beach with Makkachin and Vicchan, no one approaches him for the first week. Eventually Yuuko makes an appearance with the triplets tagging along. The triplets ask if he'll skate for them, he says no.

The one place he refuses to go is the Ice Castle. Phichit and Victor and Yurio go every day to train and practice. Yuuri won’t set foot on the ice.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

Mari is the one who finds him the first time, when Yurio is out at practice. Finds him staring blankly at the scissors in his hand and the top of his thigh bleeding. He tells her he had to make it back, that he was drifting too far. It takes them three more times to figure out he's dissociating, mentally disconnecting from his body. When Victor finds him sitting chest deep in the cold water at the beach, they all talk, once he's sleeping, about what to do. What Yuuri needs. He needs therapy, but he's too stubborn to go to it or talk about it. He doesn’t think he’s worth it. They fear he'll stop talking to  _ them _ if they try to make him talk to a stranger.

Phichit permanently gives him Katsudon to keep in a pocket. It works. His fingertips are almost raw, but it works. He tells them when he starts to drift away he pokes the hamster and it nibbles on his fingers, keeps him grounded in his body. 

It's not exactly self harming, what Yuuri does. He never does it with the intent to hurt himself. Only enough to stay himself. The dangerous part is if he fails, if he dissociates completely. Yurio had found him by the road, watching cars speed by. Hiroko found him at the bridge looking down at the water. But Katsudon helped. So did the real katsudon his mother kept making to eat.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

Victor withdraws from the season. Chris visits.

JJ visits too, much to everyone's surprise. A spontaneous decision. They don't like it at first, but then the news arrives.

_ That man's  _ photo has been all over the news. They were still looking for him when Jean-Jaques Leroy saw him in the streets in Canada and  _ ran him over _ . He told the police it was an  _ accident, _ and since the man was alive they let JJ go.

For the first time in 5 months, Yuuri initiates physical contact and  _ hugs  _ JJ. It's progress. 

He still drifts, sometimes. It's not as frequent as right after. Finding out the man was in prison with a permanent feeding tube port and colonoscopy bag helped a lot. Yuuri has never been a hateful person, but everyone assured him it was justifiable to hate that man.

It’s a turning point, after JJ visits. Yuuri’s thoughts begin to shift. Everyone has been so supportive, and all he's done is sit at home. He doesn't deserve to have Victor here. Yurio should be competing in Juniors right now. Chris doesn't have to visit between competitions. JJ hit someone with his car  _ on purpose _ for him. Mom makes too many katsudon. Phichit also gave him Katsudon, and Phichit should  _ also  _ be competing right now. He can only be thankful for Hasetsu keeping the media away. For Mari for not treating him differently. She's still as gruff and stone faced as ever, if maybe a little more protective. She asks him only once, when it’s just the two of them, if he plans to continue skating. He replies that he hasn’t finished thinking about it.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

The skaters, all of them, still practice at Ice Castle. It's almost closed to the public now, but Hasetsu is so small only children use it anyway. Chris thinks it's fun to teach them, and JJ loves to show off. It's the one place Yuuri hasn't gone yet, and he knows everyone is waiting to see if he'll ever skate again. But he doesn't want to skate for other people. He wants to skate because it's something he loves. He hasn't been good enough for the ice since th-  _ thay day _ , hasn't deserved to step onto it. 

The thing is, Yuuri is recovered now. His head isn't always in the right state, but he's recovered enough. He wants to feel the ice again, the frigid air in the rink. Most of all though, Yuuri really hates to lose. Quitting figure skating means losing to the man JJ ran over. Means losing himself. Losing to competition, losing competing.

He digs through the piles of gifts sent from fans, fellow skaters, and sponsors and finds what he's looking for. He puts them in his bag, changes clothes, and walks silently out of the house.

It's 2 in the morning, and everyone is asleep. The rink is empty and locked, but there's a key around his neck that lets him in. He wears it always.

In the dark and quiet of the Ice Castle, Yuuri puts on the new skates. Custom, burgundy leather with his last name in cursive looping english letters across the outsides. The same script etched into the outside of the blades. It's a plain design but they feel right. Stif and crisply sharpened to a small hollow grind, he steps into the ice. Basic figures are all he does, circling in the comfort it brings. There is no pressure here, no observers. Alone in the, dark locked inside the ice rink, breaking in new skates someone sent him before it happened. No matter what, Yuuri always believed he was just a dime-a-dozen figure skater from a small coastal town, but he can accept that other people see him as more. That he has fans and people that believe in him. Put faith in him. He thinks of a blond boy with red streaks in his bangs, Minami, the young fellow skaterand self proclaimed Number One Katsuki Fan who sent the new skates. They were sent before the attack, and he wonders if it’s alright to wear them now. After he was raped.

The thought sends him stumbling over his toe pick but he stays on his feet, working through it, working through his footsteps and also what happened to him. It's been half a year and he needs this. He's needed this for weeks.

He doesn't do anything complicated. Doesn't jump or spin. Just carves figures into the ice as the new boots form to his feet.

This is good. I am good, he says as he skates. Out loud and to himself.

Above all else, Yuuri  **_hates_ ** to lose.

He's home before anyone wakes up.

**~oOo~oOo~oOo~**

If Yuuko notices his lines in the ice, familiar figures drawn in large sweeping loops, she says nothing. She resurfaces the ice before anyone else can see them because Yuuri needs this. He needs time, he needs practice, he wants to do it without everyone watching in anticipation.

She still smiles as she runs the Zamboni though, because whether or not anyone knows it, whether or not Yuuri knows it himself, Katsuki Yuuri was not done skating. Katsuki Yuuri was not done with the  _ world  _ yet.

He would return stronger and better than ever and  _ no one _ would see it coming.

She says nothing the next time she's at the house, but Yuuko knows he can see the sparkles in her eyes at their little shared secret.

If he knows she starts to sleep in the announcers box to watch when he comes in, he says nothing.

The one and only time she ask what made him decide to skate again, when she thought he’d be depressed, his reply is soft and quiet. He was, but then he got tired of being depressed and did something about it.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri doesn't know how to respond to Victor. Isn't sure how to react to the video. It hurts, so much because that was his program, a piece of him and Victor claimed it as his own. Except he didn't mean to. He skates it  _ for  _ Yuuri,  _ as _ Yuuri, as if he was on the ice  _ with Yuuri _ as he skated that program. Over the half year the Russian world champion has stayed in Hasetsu, Yuuri came to realise it had been a very Victor thing to do.

And he had an idea of how to give it back. 

Yakov, after his two top skaters abandoned him for Japan, eventually had taken a flight over and brought Mila and Georgie to train in Hasetsu. The rink was barely open to the public with how much time all the skaters took up. With the addition of other skaters visiting between competition, Hasetsu was very busy. It was still very closed off to outsiders though, so fans and the media did not stay long if they stayed at all.

The quaint little oceanside town has become the secret central hub of men's single senior figure skaters and has certainly benefited from their patronage.

For Yakov though, so far, the year had proved entirely unproductive. As much as skaters were still training, competitions were laughable at best. Top skaters like Chris and JJ still held their scores and younger skaters tried to take over the podium but almost never made it. The seasoned skaters hearts are all in the skating itself and the performance, not behind the competition. 

Yakov feared for his receding hairline as he tried to regain control over his skaters. Not that he ever had it over Vitya and Yura. Or Georgi. Or Mila, really.

But he also was observant, more so than his skaters gave him credit for. He had to be, as a world renounce coach. So he picked up on the little things.

Like lines in the ice.

He knew for a fact none of his skaters did compulsory figures enough to leave traces under fresh ice. He knew the Nishigori girl ran the zamboni immediately after they finished each night. He knew she was running it again before they started every morning, and he had his suspicions.

In his age, it is  _ not _ easy to stay up so late anymore, but for this, for one night to satisfy his hunch, he manages to pry his eyelids open with Hiroko’s lovely coffee and slip out of the house before dawn. 

It is three in the morning when he enters the rink quietly, with the key the Nishigori provided when they offered him an office in the back. Only the bare minimum of lights are on when he nears the rink to see as he suspected.

Japan's Ace is skating his figures smoothly on the empty ice, looking at peace. 

Yakov notes with some surprise as Katsuki passes again that the boy's eyes are closed and remain that way the entire time he watches in silence. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to more than an hour.

Vitya, as enthusiastic and mindless as he can be, was right about this one. Yakov can tell, Yuuri Katsuki has a talent. A uniqueness and a rare  _ feel _ for the ice.

He turns, leaving as silently as he came in, and goes back to the inn to think. And to sleep. And to think while he sleeps, dreaming of a perfectly mild mannered and  _ respectful _ student he could have if he made the offer. Maybe he could keep some of his hair.

The federation only wants him to coach Russian skaters and for so long Yakov has complied. For this boy, though...

Yakov does not show up for training the next morning, much to Yuri and Mila's relief. Victor doesn't seem to notice when he  _ is  _ there so he didn't pay attention to it. Georgie laughed over his phone when Anya posted a new photo of her new boyfriend. He'd gotten over the break up very quickly with the uproar over Katsuki in the skating community, and had since realised the woman has a new boyfriend every three months.

They don't know Yakov chooses instead to speak to Yuuri, when they are alone that day.

To say what he sees in Yuuri. To ask what Yuuri sees for his future. What he wants to do, where to go.

Yuuri Katsuki is quiet for a long time as he thinks.

When he does speak, it is soft as ever and the answers do not surprise Yakov.

Yuuri Katsuki wants to  _ skate. _ He doesn't know where, or how long, or how hard, but he know he wants to skate and that is enough for now. He will take small leaps, one after another, one rotation at at a time not for his nation, not for Japan, not even for his family as he’s done for so long or for Vitya who was his inspiration. He wants to be selfish. He wants to skate for himself for the first time he can remember.

Yakov tells him that when he is ready, he will be available. Not for three in the morning of course, but they can keep it quiet if that is what Yuuri wants.

Two weeks later, Yuuri is ready. Not for the world, not for anything big, but he is ready to start something. He tells Yakov as much, and they talk to Yuuko.

When all is said and done, in the evenings after the other skaters leave ice castle for the day, Yakov stays behind to do  _ paperwork  _ in his office. Yuuko lets a thin figure out onto the ice and locks the front doors.

Yakov has no more paperwork. Yuuko has no more customers. Yuuri has finished his warm up.

When he tells Yakov what he has in mind, the man takes a very deep breath and sighs, because of course. 

Yuuri might not want the world's attention, but he's clearly interested in Vitya's if this is the first thing he wants to do.

Of all the things, Yuuri wants to learn the quad flip. Not to beat Victor, but because he wants to skate Stammi Vicino. And Yakov, though he can’t explain why, agrees to teach him.

There are no medals. No introduction. No explanation. No judges, no costumes, no crowds, no pressure.

There is no music, either. Yuuri skates in silence.

Everyone knows this program, even without sound. When Yuuri skates it, he makes the sound with his body. 

Yuuko puts it together with the different rink cameras and they watch it together to look for places to improve. 

Yuuri improves.

Yakov approves.

They film it again.

Review, practice, record, repeat, until Yuuri is almost satisfied with it.

He does not intend to post it anywhere. Keeps it only on a flash drive around his neck, on the soft wide necklace that covers a scar.

He isn’t finished because he’s doing a triple flip in place of Victor’s signature quad. He doesn't get finish it either, as it happens.

The only other copy is the original, on the Ice Castle network. 

On the computer in the upstairs office where the triplets find and post it to the Ice Castle website, for more publicity because Uncle Yuuri is amazing.

 

Takeshi can't stop apologising over the phone.

Yuuko can't stop yelling in the background.

Victor….

Victor doesn't stop smiling for a week even if Yuuri won't let him sleep in the same room, or go in the hotsprings together, no matter how hard he tries to convince him.

Yuuri just wants to skate in peace. Weeks pass since the release of his Stammi Vicino and the media storm that follows it. Everyone asks him questions, if he's going to skate, or retire, or compete, which events, how he's recovering.

He wants them to leave him alone. He wants them all to leave.

Hasetsu is his home, his favourite place. But right now, for the upcoming season, if he wants to have space to think seriously, it is too small, too close, too personal.

 

Yakov has hinted, quietly when no one is listening.

 

Russia seems big.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Complete for now, I have no more plot.


End file.
